Four Years

Four years ago today Joel and I sat in a doctor's office and heard the words, 'testicular seminoma' for the first time.  That apparently means cancer, and I remember driving home by myself, since we'd met there, numb, with the words, "My husband has cancer" playing in my mind over and over.

Four years ago tomorrow my husband had surgery to get the cancer out, and I talked my OB out of admitting me to the hospital on the grounds that "it just wasn't an option" and "I was so much better than last week when I couldn't get out of bed to bring myself in, I swear".  I sat in the waiting room with my inlaws eating while the wheeled my husband off to surgery, consuming what the doctor prescribed- potato chips and lemonade.

Four years ago on the 8th our kindergarten soccer team (Maddy's team) had pictures and we willed ourselves off of the futon we'd had neighbors moved downstairs to go to her game.  We learned a amazing man in our church had just passed away, far too young.  Later in the day, Maddy had a birthday party and I thought I was miscarrying.  I called Judy to pick up Maddy, and another good friend (who'd been through far too many miscarriages) to cry and ask questions.  Joel's mom took Maddy and Garrett on a spontaneous trip to her house so we could figure out what was next.

Four years ago on the 10th I had sat in the Radiology waiting room of the hospital with my husband.  When they called 'Gibson' we weren't sure which one of us they wanted.  Him for CT scans?  Me for an ultrasound?  When it was my turn, I requested to wait until my husband finished with his, so he could be with me for the ultrasound.  Just past 12 weeks pregnant, and after a scary, painful, awful weekend, I was pretty sure that pregnancy was over.  One of the hugest blessings of my life was the tech telling me that it was ok, and I could look at the screen.  Seeing the little (but strong) heartbeat, and then the tech announcing that the little alien growing in my belly was in fact, a boy.  No one could tell me what happened or why, and they suggested it could have been a bladder issue- which it wasn't, and still makes me crazy today when I think of it.

That week kicked off a crazy tough year- the year I will always remember as the year when I finally felt like a grown up, and that ended with a healthy baby and me quitting my teaching job literally the day before school started, and had a lot of tough things in between.

Today, right now, I am sitting on the couch with all three of my babies.  Carter, who I thought I wouldn't get to meet 4 years ago is snuggled so close as I type I can feel the warm of his little tummy on my arm, his head resting on my shoulder.  My healthy husband is asleep still, upstairs, he hasn't had any more health issues, hasn't had to deal with it, except for consuming a lot of that chalky drink before more than 20 CT scans over the past 4 years.

4 years.  We have so much to be thankful for, and we definitely are.  Seriously thankful.